LibDem Conspiracy Theory

Deep in a private chamber somwhere under Whitehall...

Charles Kennedy: So you wanted to see me Tony.

Tony Blair: Yes Charlie, you see I've got a bit of a problem. It looks like my Terrorism Bill might not get through the Commons.

Charles: Well of course, we LibDems oppose the Bill on profound ideological grounds. There's no way we could support it as a matter of principle.

Tony: No, I quite understand... but... I don't know if you could see you way to abstaining? Maybe take the boys down to Pizza Express on me?

Charles: What on earth do you take me for? You think that I'd betray my principles for a slice of cheap Pizza?

Tony: It's not the Pizza... Our private polling indicates our majority may be much smaller than previously expected, maybe even non-existant. In those circumstances, we might be looking at forming a coalition government. I rather fancied you for International Development Secretary. But losing the Terrorism Bill would be a deal-breaker.

Charles: {silence}

Tony: Foreign Secretary?

Charles: {more silence}

Tony: I'll throw in a case of 12 year old Laphraoig.

Charles: Oh go on then, Pizza Express it is.



Sounds all too plausible. Paddy Pantsdown fell for it...