Letwinomics

Labour and the LibDems stand accused of dirty tricks after pointing out that the Tory spending plans are £15bn short. A Tory insider, who refused to be named, told Recess Monkey, “We believe Labour and the LibDems are using a secret, computer-based system known only as “arithmetic” to find holes in our spending plans. Our treasury team has been alerted to the existence of this secret “arithmetic” software and we hope to incorporate it into Letwinomics before the 2009 General Election.”

One Tory’s spending plans are clearer than those provided through Letwinomics. Redbridge Councillor Lee Scott hopes to take the Labour marginal of Ilford North on May 5. So confident is he of a win that his wife is already telling people that she will be working for him in the Palace of Westminster. Although Lee seems to be banking on an impending pay rise already, pensioners in Redbridge are not so lucky after he, as a Councillor, doubled the maximum charges for Home Care Services for the elderly and disabled from £5,000 to £10,000 per year.

Hold on, last week Ed balls, Gordon's annointed amongst us, claimed after weeks of alleging that the Tories had a "secret agenda" to cut £35 billion, that by 2008 a Conservative government would be spending £15 billion a year more than Labour. The flip just flopped. What is the current state of the smear? Black-hole? Cuts? Short-fall or over-spend? Could you all stick to one consistent smear. Argue amongst yourselves if you like. If you can't agree, best you 'do a Letwin' and disappear for the rest of the campaign.